Woodstock Wisdom

Woodstock Wisdom
By Vivia Day Tatum

This was written for the "Gnid Anthology," 30th Reunion of the Class of '63, in 1993. Revised in Aug. 1996. Starred definitions were read at the story telling hour, WOSA reunion at Wooster, Ohio, on July 28, 1996. Excerpts also read at the story telling hour at the WOSA reunion in California, June 1997.

Strangers to Woodstock probably could have benefitted from a handbook describing all the self-evident truths that missionary kids lived by. This would have helped them become acclimated to a group of people who were so isolated geographically and culturally that they had developed a world of their own. Following is a contribution I might have made to such a handbook had I been asked at that time.

*1. Alcohol - a poisonous drink that could get you expelled. No missionaries drank alcohol. Examples of people who drank alcohol: the English captain of the ship I traveled on who always had red eyes at night and wished he was back in England, rich Americans who didn't go to church, an Australian doctor who every morning gulped down a raw egg/drink combination, and non-Christian Chinese who drank while they gambled.

2. Embassy Kids - rich American kids who didn't suffer with us in elementary school. They came up for high school and complained about all the things we'd looked forward to - like having 2 or 3 to a room instead of 40. They didn't know what it was like to be little and cold and lonely. They didn't know about the 3 minute showers enforced by shower monitors, the stringent bounds of the younger girl's dormitories, the regimented dining hour, the enforced "good manners," the finger drilled into lower backs when they were slouched, the awful food that was gagged down every day as the adage "eat everything before you" was enforced, and the religious lectures following misdemeanors. In short, they had arrived for the fatted calf and hadn't paid their dues!

*3. The Bible - not a day would pass in which this wasn't referred to. Since "memorize" was a dirty word to me, this book was a source of great stress. Every day was started with a student dutifully reciting a verse from the Bible. I remember having an argument with Miss Geisinger about how many times I could recite the verse, "Jesus wept." The Bible had to be the King James Version preferably with gold around the edges. Methodists could read the Revised Standard Version, but Mennonites and Pentecostals might go to Hell if they did. The prayers that God would most likely hear were the ones in old English, the way the Bible was written. That's why there were a few people who were always picked to pray. Their "thees" and "thous" came out of their mouths as if they talked like that all the time. When it was my turn I either asked for sentence prayers or the Lord's Prayer. The Lord's Prayer had the "thees" and "thous", and "thys" built in. Nice package deal.

*4. Khud - this was not what cows chew. This was a sort of cliff or drop off. Things like eggs (that I hate to this day) were thrown over the khud if I was lucky enough to sneak them out of the dining room. In high school, kids had to travel in groups of three because of the khud. If someone fell "over the khud, one person would stay to talk to the victim or mark the place where the victim was last seen and the other would run for help. People who were waiting to rape little girls lived "down the khud." Miss Sample said so. That's why the little girls couldn't leave the quad. I guess when the girls got bigger they didn't have to worry about being raped anymore because the high school girls could go down the khud or even into town as long as they signed out. I guess the rapists got easier to fight off the older you got. You couldn't leave the Quad at all in elementary school, but when you got to 9th grade you could go places in groups of seven with a teacher. Finally in 10 - 12th grades you could go in groups of three. Boys on the other hand could do anything they pleased because they were boys.

*5. Catholics - the dictionary says they're Christians but no one else thinks so. They don't think we're Christians either because after they go to our church they have to go to their church to get over it and get forgiven for it. They're probably not Christians because of the statues. They're the only ones that have statues. They say they're not idols but no one is convinced. At least we're certain that if we use God talk like "thees" and "thous" we're sure to be heard. We do throw in Jesus at the end just to be sure to get His attention. The poor Catholics, on the other hand, have to remember to which saint they can pray to accomplish the task at hand. They have saints to protect you when you travel, help you find things you lost, and give you things you want. I'm not sure if the saint turns around and asks Jesus who then asks God or whether they're like a committee who takes care of mundane details so the boss doesn't have to be bothered! It's harder to be a Catholic. They have to spend their whole lives doing good works because their faith isn't good enough. We, on the other hand, are "saved" by faith alone and can do the good works when we feel like it because no one's counting. They're so insecure they keep praying for people after they're dead. We know it's all over when someone dies and they've gotten their "just rewards" so there's no use in thinking about them any more.

6. Gatings - a special Woodstock punishment. In elementary school it means you've done something so horrendous that you're socially demoted. You must sleep in the dorm of younger children, and do everything with them - their bedtime, their bath time, their devotions, their lines, etc. You must be within sight of a teacher at all times. The only time you are with your classmates is during class time. In my case it lasted two weeks. In high school it means you have gotten three demerits for things like not making your bed in the morning. You usually have to do things like the wash the common room windows and go to church with the teacher on duty. You're not allowed to talk to any boys and no social activities are allowed except Christian Endeavor. Even the non religious go to Christian Endeavor on those Sundays. It lasts a weekend.

*7. Dancing - something Methodists and Embassy Kids are allowed to do. It's a sin for everyone else. Some of the others can square dance provided it's called folk games. If it's not called "dancing" then God doesn't notice it. You have to be diplomatic with God. He's like the grandfather in "Heidi." He's distant but there's ways of worming your way into his heart ......

8. Sex - something that is done after marriage. Boys like it, girls don't. If you do it before you get married, you're ruined for life. No one will want you because you've been used. You might even have a baby. You can't keep it though because you didn't have it properly. You have to go somewhere that no one knows you and have it in secret. Then you give it to someone like a missionary who doesn't have a baby and has been praying for one. They deserve it and you don't. Girls have to be ashamed, but boys can feel successful.

*9. Kissing - something that leads to sex before you know it. If you decide to kiss, you do it down the khud, on Friv or below the Frying Pan.

10. Rats - these live in the walls of Midlands. They are large and gray and have white stomachs. No one likes them especially Barbara Garber who sat on a toilet one was swimming in! Her scream has echoed in our memory across the years....

11. Scorpions - these are poisonous insects that like dampness. They like shoes, piano keys, and dark corners. They don't bother you unless you put your foot into a shoe they live in or play the piano keys they're hiding in. It's the big kids' jobs to brush off the pianos with rags so the little kids don't get stung. We had a slumber party on the Frying Pan and one stung Esther. None of us will forget her pain.

12. Beetles - they come suddenly and take over the buildings. There are many types, most of which have pinchers. The smaller the pincher, the worse the pinch. They mate all the time everywhere. They're all over the paths and buildings. They like mangoes. We know this because one lived in Sue's bucket purse while it ate its way through a mango she had given it! The bamboo beetles are the worst - one split a pencil in half.

*13. Movies - everyone is allowed to see the movies shown in Parker Hall. However, only Methodists and people like that can see movies in a theater. This is because if the Indian people see Assembly of God or Mennonite missionaries going into a theater they might think it's all right to do the same thing. The problem is that whereas the missionaries would only see something like "The Ten Commandments," the Indians might conclude it's all right to see a sexy movie in the same theater. Methodists, on the other hand, go to theaters anyway because they think the Indians are smart and can tell the difference.

*14. Home - where your parents live. The place you anticipated going to when you sang how many days were left until "going down day." You're not there much because it's too far away. I spent about 2 months a year there. The funny thing is that even when you're "home" with your parents, you're still not home. They have tears in their eyes at Christmas as they put cotton under the moth eaten, artificial tree. They are thinking of "home" on the other side of the world. You know then that you're still not "home." I remember walking into a store in Indonesia and seeing an apple! My mother and I stood in wonder and amazement. There were six of them. They were "very dear." We found the money for one. We took this amazing fruit home and placed it on the table worshipfully. She popped corn and we cut the apple in little pieces. There in the tropics surrounded by palm trees, glorious orchids growing wild, and numerous exotic fruits we ceremoniously ate an apple that reminded us that we weren't "home."

15. Presbyterians - you had to be smart to be one of these just so you could spell it. This denomination ran the school. We know this because their hymn books were in Parker Hall. It just said, "The Hymn Book" and they were supposed to be "nondenominational" but if you read the little print inside, you knew the truth. Also, we received communion the Presbyterian way by sitting in our seats. The Methodists go up to the alter. It's quicker the Presbyterian way so it leaves more time for a long sermon. I like the Methodist way better. Presbyterian is the easiest church to belong to because they believe in predestination. This means that God planned everything ahead of time so there's no surprises. Therefore, if you do something wrong you can't help it because it was planned that way. Methodists, on the other hand, believe in free choice. This means that when you do something wrong you made that choice and deserve to be punished and no one is going to make any excuses for you.

16. Assemblies of God - this is a Pentecostal church. There's lots of kids from this church. Pentecostal means you "speak in tongues." Everyone still has one tongue but it makes different sounds no one understands. They're not like the other churches because everyone's allowed to be noisy. They get "missionary barrels" sent to them. This means that somebody in America bought them brand new clothes that fit so they wouldn't look like they're missionary kids.

17. Death - this is where you're laying on the ground or on a bed and you never get up again. This can happen to you when you're very old (usually in America) or very unlucky (terrorist attack in Asia or a vicious amoeba). Mac Ramlow died from having a drink of water with a little, tiny amoeba in it. We all wondered if we had a secret amoeba, too.

*18. Crying - white people can only do this in public at funerals.There are two reasons for this. The first reason is that no one likes to be watched when they're crying, and white people are always watched. Asians think everything white people do is worth watching. I made the mistake of crying in front of them once. They were fascinated. Then they laughed and ran their fingers down their cheeks. I don't remember ever crying in front of anyone again. In general, white people keep their tears to themselves. They don't even cry in front of each other. They think it's strong not to cry. That's why the parents have wooden smiles on their faces when they say good-bye to their children. We knew enough not to get mushy either. We acted like we were going next door for a few minutes when we were really about to travel 3,000 miles and wouldn't be back for close to a year.

19. Funerals - Children don't go to funerals. We watched a few Asian funerals when we could get away with it. The one I watched in Indonesia was very colorful and varied between quiet and loud. They screamed and cried out loud. They had some really talented screamers who were hired as mourners so the grief stricken family wouldn't have to wear themselves out. The dead person couldn't possibly care, but the neighbors had to be impressed. The only funeral for a white person that I saw was Mac's. When Mac Ramlow died the entire school and community wound their way up the mountain to watch him buried with the few other foreigners who had preceded him. His body was carried by his best friends and classmates who were so grief stricken it kept their minds off the tremendous physicaldemands of the struggle up the mountain. I really didn't know him very well, but I remember asking him to sign my annual.

*20. Sacrifice - this is giving up something for nothing. It's not a good deal. I think it's a Western concept. The Asians would have haggled for something a little better! Examples would be God sacrificing Jesus on the cross, or our parents sending us away. The only one who likes sacrifices is God.

*21. Good-bye - this is a common word that is said all the time. It's said when you leave home, when you leave school, when you leave your native country, when you leave your country of the moment, when you leave your friends or your siblings or your parents. Sometimes it's temporary, but often it's permanent. Temporary or permanent, life goes on and if you do happen to return to a place or person it's never the same as it was before. For this reason good-bye is always forever.

They seem weird you say? This is the only place in the whole world where they weren't weird! They were different when they went to other places, but they were the same here. They all fit in. You see, they were strangers to their own families, they didn't know where home was, and they didn't belong to a country. But it didn't matter at Woodstock, because they had become each other's family, home and country. They belonged to each other.

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