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Joke 47 
Delhi to BombayA Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay.
He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station.
When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire.
The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys.
Joke 48
Pay or No PayOur sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.
He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected :
He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes
Joke 49
Hang on a SecOnce Kuljeet goes to an interview. The panel members thought 'We will start from the basics' and one of them asks him 'could u please tell us ur age'.
Immediately Kul starts counting with his fingers and after a bit of calculation he says 'i am 22'.
The panel members felt ridiculous and then one of them asked 'what is your height'.
Kul immediately takes out an inch tape, puts one end of it under his foot and then measures his height and then says 'i am 5 foot 6" tall'.
One of the members thinks 'i will give this guy just one more' and then puts forward the question 'what is ur name'.
At this juncture Kul starts murmuring ,swaying his head to and fro from left to right and right to left and then finally says ' i am Kuljeet'..
Now the panel thought they have had enough of nonsense and decides to chuck him out but one of them was very curious about what Kul did when asked for his name.
So he asks him 'i can understand what u did when asked for ur age and height. but what was that you were doing then we asked ur name'.
For this Kul said 'i just went thru HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAR .... to get my name'.
Joke 50
RailwaysA sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare anything for the speech.
Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway deparrtment was "There should not be last coach in any train."
Joke 50
Bargaining SardarOne sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma Bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs.
Sardar asked for Rs.1000.
The vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900.
Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.
It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said
"I will give you the stereo free of cost."
The sardar asked "Will you give two?"
Joke 51
Who's The Fool now?Two sardarjis stayed in the same building. One on the first floor and the other one on the eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day the sardarji on the eight floor thought to befool the one on the first floor. He invited him for dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor , he found his door locked and a board at his door " Kaisa bewkoof banaya " . Sardarji felt embarrased and to outplay him, he wrote down:" " Main to yaha aya hi nahi tha"
Joke 52
Brain TumorThere's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on.
The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat.
So one of them asks Dheer Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?"
.....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"
Joke 53
Sardar PilotsTwo Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream
"the runway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air...
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again
"Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again...
During their eighth descent the pilot says :
"Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway.."
"I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it...."
Joke 54
Sardar PilotsOne fine morning found Sardarji driving his new Maruti (which he called marrruttti very affectionately). Sardarji was very happy to be the owner of a marrruttti and was singing to himself. Suddenly, he collided with the milkman. The accident caused much damage to the milkman's bicycle and our guy was furious. Sardarji ran towards him mumbling apologies, but our guy was not pacified. He shouted "Sardar, khoon ka badla khoon, torfoor ka badla torfoor". Saying so, he got a stout stick and starting hammering it on the windshield.
Sardarji was shocked and tried to take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the milkman (who was incidently very stout) got hold of the Sardarji and carried him ten metres away from his marrruttti. He drew a small circle near the road with the stick and asked Sardarji to stay inside and not move outside the circle, threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. Now our Sardarji was not very brave at heart and cooly went to stand in the circle.
Our milkman goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Sardarji. He breaks the other one, now he could distinctly hear the Sardarji laugh slightly. Enraged, he goes to the Sardarji and asks him why he was laughing. Sardarji says that it was nothing. He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor marrruttti and as he goes on in this act, Sardarji's laughs become louder and louder. Enraged, the milkman increases his assault , but the laughs keep on increasing rather than decreasing.
At last, the milkman can't stop himself. He goes to the Sardar and taking him by the collar, asks him the reason for laughing. Our Sardar at first says it was nothing, but when the milkman starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you, you will beat me". The milkman, now very curious, promises not to do anything if the Sardar tells him. Satisfied about his safety, our Sardarji says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle seventeen times".
Joke 55
The Wrong NumberMrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.
"What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."
"I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.
Joke 56
What FINE!Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should nto put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
Joke 57
BEACH Trouble!Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 : Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .
Joke 58
The Truth is out there!A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office :
'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' .
One day his wife fed up of this answered :
' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'.
That ended the husband's witticisms.
Joke 59
Tit for Tat!Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor.
One day when the lift was not working , Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25thfloor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read :
' How did you enjoy your dinner ? '
Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it , ' Sorry , I could not make it . '
Joke 60
Redline BusBanta showed his plam to a palmist . He examined the lines on Banta's hand & said,'
A beautiful girl will come into your life, but be very careful.'
'Why should I have to be careful?' asked Banta. 'She should be careful of her life. I drive a Redline bus!'
Joke 61
The Compromise.Santa Singh & Banta Singh had strong reservations against the Mandal Commission's recommendations.
They found an ingenious way to get round them. Santa Singh's daughter, Manjeet married Banta Singh's son, Diljit. They named their grandson Mandal Jeet.
Joke 61
Be Ashamed.Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school.
Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?'
'Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.'
Joke 62
What Floor...'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.'
'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.'
'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.
Joke 63
Please income.Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates.
One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy.
Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'
Joke 64
Word of MouthThe collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it.
'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.'
'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'
Joke 65
GlassesSanta Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'
Joke 66
What Problem?Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Sardarji : 'What problem?'
Joke 67
Santa Goes to heavenSanta Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed,santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
Joke 68
Two horsesSanta and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.
So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta's horse.
By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.
At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.
So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .
Joke 69
The Tunnel JokeEverybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France.
Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world.
Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Ohere tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds.
Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget.
Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel."
The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?"
Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost."
Joke 70
Punjab Airways" Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.This is flight one-two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits! For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps !
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways.
HAVE A NICE JOURNEY ???
Joke 71
This WayBanta Singh is walking down the street and a Gora asks him "Can you please show me where the Post Office is"
Banta Singh not knowing much English doesnt know how to say "follow me and I will show you where the Post Office is" instead he says to the Gora
"I go first you come reverse, I show you Post Office."
Joke 72
WomanSanta Singh and Banta singh are sitting in a bar sipping Black Label Johnny walker when Banta singh noticed a gorgeous blonde sitting by herself in a corner.
As he was getting up to talk to her. Bar Tender said "Hey don't worry about her, She is lesbian! ".
Banta singh "Lesbian or no lesbian, I get all of them" Then leaping forward in a very sexy voice he said "Where exactly in Lesbia, you from?"
Joke 73
WomanTalking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not going for the blood shed still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja (Goto sleep, O dear mosquito, goto sleep)".
After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
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