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Joke 28 
4 Sardars businessThere were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but nobody turned up.
WHY ? - B'cos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY ? - B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ? - B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb an decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge.
WHY ? - B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
Joke 29
Suicidal Sardar An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dhal again. If I get paratha and dhal one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps too. The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dhal and jumps to his death also...
At the funeral.....
The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"
Joke 30
Surd Freedom FightersOnce there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.
Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."
All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
Joke 31
The KissThrough the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. They hear a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old woman than me."
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."
Joke 32
Surd with his new MarutiSardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didnt reach in the evening, and not the next day either.
When he finally reached home on the third day, his disraugth mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya ?"
The sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ?"
Joke 33
Sardar's phone call from LondonSardar from Bombay went to London. In the evening, he felt like talking to Sardarni. So dialled his residence and the following conversation happened:-
Sardar- O-Haello-o-o
Reply - Hello
Sardar smirks as it is an unfamiliar male voice.
Sardar - Oye, kaun hai.
Reply - Shaab, main Bahadur.
Sardar - Oye, too kahan se aya.
Bahadur - Shaab, mujhe aaj hi MemShaab ne naukri pe rakha hai.
Sardar shifts uneasily at the revealation of Sardarni's daring at keeping a Hardworking (u can translate work) Pahari bahadur, the day Sardar has left home.
Sardar - Oye, khote, ja ke Memsahib nu bula ke mere naal gal kara.
Bahadur - Shaab, MemShaab to shota hai.
Sardar - Oye, tu Memsahib nu jaga de.
Bahadur - Par Shaab, MemShaab to Shaab ke saath sota hai.
Sardar is Red and White sorry Wild with anger.
Sardar - Dekh oye Bahadur, Tu meri gal sun. Main tera asli Sahib hoon.
Bahadur - Shaab, to phir MemShaab ke paas kaun sota hai.
Sardar - Woh koi khoti da puttar nakli Sahib ban ke aya hoga. Tu aisa kar, drawing room ki diwar par meri dunali bandook latki hai. Ja use leke aa ja.
After a pause....
Bahadur - Haan Shaab, Bandook le aya.
Sardar - Ye telephone ke niche wali daraz men goliyaan padi hain. Isme se do goliyaan Bandook mein daal de.
After a shuffling and cranking noise...
Bahadur - Haan Shaab, dal diya.
Sardar - Ab jake us nakli Sahib ko aur Memsahib ko shoot kar de.
Rapport of two gunshots is heard and...
Bahadur - Haan Shaab, maine dono ko shoot kar diya. Ab lashon ka kya karoon.
Sardar - Bahar garden mein gaddha khod ke dono lashon ko dafan kar de.
Bahadur - Shaab, aap kya bolta hai. Ye fifteenth floor pe garden kahan se aa gaya.
Sardar - Oh, sorry, wrong number.
Joke 34
Sardar in TexasA patrol car has been following this vehicle for about 30 minutes now, when they finally decide to pull it over. The officer steps out and walks up to the surd's window.
"Goodafternoon, sir."
"Good afternoon, any problems?"
"No sir. My partner and I have been following and observing you for a half an hour now. We ascertained that you have not committed one single traffic violation, you have not gone over the speed limit by even 1 mph, you were courteous towards the fellow drivers on the road. Therefore, as a part of our new "Solid Driving Awareness Program", I would like to present you with this check for $30,000.00."
The surd lets out a big sigh of relief:"Oh good! Now I can finally pay to get my driver's license."
Awkward silence, then the surd's wife sitting in the passenger seat goes, "Don't listen to him, officer. He always talks nonsense when he has been drinking."
Surd's Grandma, who's a little hard of hearing, adds from the backseat, "Aye aye aye, didn't I tell you not to go in a stolen car?"
At this time the surd's trunk pops open and a head peeks out, "Are we over the border yet?"
Joke 35
Surds Moms Letter ---- Another version of Joke 22.Pyaaaray Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetary. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.
Your Uncle Jatinder fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. the driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as the couldn' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
Joke 36
The American LadyAn American lady is window shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very American accent to the sardar owner.....
What's the time??
The sardar is a very patriotic man and hates foreigners and their English accent while speaking.. So he replies back in the same accent........
Bra-panties!!
Confused the lady asks again.........
No! No! What's the time??
The sardar again answers back..........
Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!!
Seeing the confusion going between the two another sardar comes to the rescue of the lady and says.......
O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade kol time puuch rahii hai gayee!!
The angry sardar shots back at him.........
Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis(12:35)
Joke 37
The Train DriverOne train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar.
He was questioned . He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc .
Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger.You should have run over that person .
Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.
Joke 38
Sardars on a fishing spreeTwo surds go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to shore.
The first surd says: "I hope u remember the spot where u caught all those fish."
The other answers: "Yes,I made 'X'on the side of the boat to mark the spot."
"U idiot!"replies the first."how do u know u will get the same boat tommorrow."
Joke 39
The GrafittiSanta Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "Padne waala gadha." (one who reads this is an ass)
Santa Singh sat on a nearby bench, and after much thought erased it and wrote "Likhne waala Ghadah". (One who wrote this is an ass)
Joke 40
Visit to The PsychiatristOnce Santa Singh, the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed,
"I heard you are dead."
"But you see I'm alive," smiled the friend.
"Impossible," said Santa Singh. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."
Joke 41
Easy Way OutBanta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,
"I have been illiterate for so long."
Joke 42
Headache"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor." said Santa to Banta "Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?" replied Banta. Santa said: "Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
Joke 43
Thanks Your HonourSanta Singh was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
Santa immediately responded, "Thank you , your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
Joke 44
Yup... You are a Paka sardarYou should be sure it is a sardarji when somebody :
* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
Joke 45
Meaning of Sardar NameWhat do you call a sardar with one hair ?
Iqbal Singh.
What is the national drink of Khalistan called ?
Sharbat Khalsa.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
Just-beer Singh.
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
A female Khalistan terrorist?
Hard Kaur.
Joke 46
Sardar At Med SchoolLittle is known of the fact that a sardarji once applied to Med School. Listed below are the results of his entrance test dug up from some ancient archives. Needless to say he didn't make it...
ANTIBODY: against everyone
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESARIAN SECTION: a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CORTISONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DILATE: to live longer
ENEMA: not a friend
ER: the things on your head that you hear with
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
GENES: blue denim slacks
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known
LABOR PAIN: hurt at work
MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PROTEIN: in favor of young people
RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula
RHEUMATIC: amorous
SECRETION: hiding anything
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited
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