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Joke 1 
Sardar's Answering MachineA Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
(Idiot! He's taking on the phone and saying he's not there.)
Joke 2
Sardar AnswersSardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. Oye, I am only following the instructions
- 'Answer in brief'.
Joke 3
Punjabi and Bengali patriotism A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.
They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.
They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.
The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".
Joke 4
Punjab PoliceThree police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission . He who captures an adult LIon and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be adjudged the best.
First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up .
Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion .
Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis .The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree . The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@! You are a lion)
Joke 5
Sardar Commits suicide Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?).
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)
Joke 6
Sardar and lottoA Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple..................... "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord :
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
Joke 7
Sardar fills formsOne great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?" Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?" Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi?
Sardarji cooly replied It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"
Joke 8
Once, a hindu, a sardar and an american were travelling in an aeroplane. suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. they had no parachutes with them. so all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. first, the sardar jumped out. he removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. using the turban he slowly floated down. then the hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. seeing this, the american removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground.
he passed by the hindu who said - " may bhagwan help you". then he passed the sardar. the sardar looked at the american zooming past him and was puzzled. so he said - "i see! you want a race! let us see who is faster" saying so, he let go of his turban.
Joke 9
Sardar Checks Spellings Do u know what surdarji will do after taking xerox ?
he will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
Sardar takes xerox
Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ? (he already has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!
Joke 10
Sardar and the barber Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived.
This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees , the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
Joke 11
Sardar and the donkey Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
Joke 12
Sardar Gambles Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . "
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
" Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
Joke 13
Sardar and the lie detector An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
Joke 14
BalbirA sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat.After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!" He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice-with no success.Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again.
After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as he got to the window, a voice called out"Hey, Balbir!" Again He tried to find the voice and got out of line as he wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck.
He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke.Finally he had his coke and took his seat eager for the game to begin. As he waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once more.
Furious, He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs,"My name isn't Balbir!"
Joke 15
ExamSardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says, "I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."
Joke 16
JesusThree men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
Joke 17
ParentsSanta singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta singh : 'Yes, I have'
Santa singh : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa singh : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta singh : 'Well, my father killed it.'
Joke 18
ChessSanta Singh is Flying from Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside him is Gary Kasporov, the world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe of Chess players, and immediately starts up a conversation with Gary about the Nuances of the Game etc. Gary says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500/ US"?
Santa: "But you're too damn good".
Gary: "I'll play left handed".
Santa cant resist the bet and accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8 Moves .......
Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane. Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa tells Banta about the game he had with Kasparov.
Banta: "Tu bhi pura buddhu hai Santa". (You're an absolute fool Santa)
Santa: "kyon" (why)?
Banta: "Abe chooteye ........ Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai". (You ass hole, Gary Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder he beat you left handed).
Joke 19
ConvictsThree convicts escaped from prison. One was a Madrasi, one a Gujarati, and one a Sardar. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the Prison Warden and his assistant came into the barn. The warden told his assistant to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the warden asked him what he saw and the assistant yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."
The warden told him to find out what was in them, so the assistant kicked the first sack, which had the Madrasi in it. He went, "Bow-wow", so the assistant told the warden there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the Gujarati in it. He went, "Meow", so the assistant told the warden there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the Sardar in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the Sardar said, "Potatoes".
Joke 20
FerrariSanta singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Santa, What a car!Where did you get it from ?
Santa: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this car and asked me - "want a ride Mr. Singh ?" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "What did you do Santa?"
Santa: I took the car.
Banta: good show - you wouldn't have fit into her clothes!
Joke 21
Interview of a SardarSanta Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our sardar also shouts)
#Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
Joke 22
LetterCousin Banta
Jallandhar
Dear Banta,
I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since.
Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and five days the second time.
I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!
My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.
Uncle Balbir fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Cousin Santa
Ludhiana.
P.S : I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope, but I had already sealed this by then.
Joke 23
The Safe SardarA sardar, a Madrasi and a Gujarati were waiting for a bus when a dangerous-looking guy approached them. He suddenly pulled out a syringe with blood inside it and said in a menacing tone -
"Give me all your valuables or I'll pierce you with this needle. This contains AIDS infected blood!" Our friends were naturally alarmed - all except the sardar. The Madrasi immediately gave away all his valuables. The Gujju bargained with the stranger and gave away half of his belongings.
The sardar, however, was unfazed. He refused to part with his money. In anger and frustration, the guy pricked the sardar with the needle and ran away.
The alarmed Madrasi and Gujju asked the sardar - " How could you do this? Now you will get AIDS surely!"
The sardar coolly replied - " No! I won't! I am wearing a condom".
Joke 24
Sardar and MileageA sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a 1,00,000 kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because of its excess mileage.
He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help. The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days, the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar would have sold the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"
The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only 30,000 kilometres."
Joke 25
Just a little BitTravelling together once were a Russian, an American & the saviour of our nation - Sardarji!!!
Each of them wanted to prove that their country was the greatest. Said the Russian, " We have a rocket that could touch the sky." "We dont believe it ",said the others.
"Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. below the sky"
Not to be out done the American said, " We have a submarine that can touch the ocean-bed of the deepest part on this planet."
"We don't believe it ",said the others. "Ok! Ok! but just 2cms. above the ocean-bed"
Our hero with a smile on his face said, "In our country we all eat with our nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Joke 26
FatMr. Jaswant singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?"
The person didn't understand what Singh was saying and said "Excuse me sir, FAT???"
Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Sardar about the problem.
Then sardar said "Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written 'FAT FREE' on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.
Joke 27
Biography of a SardarRead this biography of a sardar
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
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