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I'LL HIT YOU...- I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and a plane ticket back!
- I'll hit you so hard you 'll have to take off your shoes to shit!
- I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
- I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
- I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
DUMB...- You're so dumb you think socialism means partying!
- You're so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican!
- You're so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
- You're so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"!
- You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.
- You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs.
- Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
- Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
- Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
- Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice.
UGLY...- She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits
- You're so ugly you'd make a train take a dirt road!
- You're so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off!
- You're so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, they'd arrest you for mooning!
- You're so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, they'd say "Sorry, no professionals!"
- You're so ugly your face is closed on weekends!
- You're so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control!
- You're so ugly if my dog looked like you, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards!
- You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother!
- You're so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"
- You're so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock!
- She's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock!
- She's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
- Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face.
- Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot.
- Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the
dog to play with you.
FAT...- You're so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE
- You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!
- You're so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance!
- You're so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
- You're so fat if you got your shoes shined, you'd have to take his word for it!
- Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up.
- Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.
GENERAL...- Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
- If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad!
- The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cock'll do.
- I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change.
- You're so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad.
- You're like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on.
- I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
- When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity.
- Well I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much.
- I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
- You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.
- Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
- The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
- When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
- All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
- Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
- I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much.
- I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
- You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.
- No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
- Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
- You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.
- You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.
- I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
- I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.
- You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.
- At your speed you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
- If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
- Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
- You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
- It's your life --- but I wish you'd let us have it.
- I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
- I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt I'll think so.
- Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
- I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
- I admire your because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat.
- You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would.
- You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!
- You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.
Webmaster: Haresh Mehra