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FUNNY FACTS OF LIFE
* Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
* He who hesitates is probably right.
* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
* No one is listening until you make a mistake.
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* Indecision is the key to flexibility.
* You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
* Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
* Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
* Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
* I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
* Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
* If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
* The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
* The trouble with life is, you're half way through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing.
* Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
* Death: Life's way of saying, "You can let go of your ankles now."
* "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." - some dead guy
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
* Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
* Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* "A halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose."
* A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.
* Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
* First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
* Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 10 grand.
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