Another very famous section. Also visit the Stupid Computers Users Page.
This Page will be updated soon so do come back soon for more laughs.
This Page will be updated soon so do come back soon for more laughs.
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Joke 1 
If Microsoft built cars....1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this and carry on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to reinstall the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 97" or a "Car NT", but then you'd have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as fast, twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on 5% of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
Joke 2
MACINTOSH:Machine
Always
Crashes.
If
Not,
The
Operating
System
Hangs
Joke 3
Customer: "I've just installed Windows 98"Tech support: "and...?"
Customer: "The computer stopped working"
Tech support: "You already said that"
Joke 4
Bill Gates dies. Goes to St. Peter. St. Peter says, "we don't know where to send you. You've been both good and bad. So, we decided to let you decide between heaven and hell." Gates says, "can I preview them first?" St. Peter allows a preview, and off they go to hell. In hell, they are on a beach with lots of bikini clad women. Gates likes this. Then off to heaven. There, the angels are lying on clouds playing thier harps. Gates tells St. Peter, "This is nice, but a little dull. I liked hell better. Can I go to hell?" St. Peter agrees and sends him back down to hell. Three weeks later, St. Peter decides to go check on Gates. When he arrives in hell, there is Bill Gates tied to a stake, surrounded by fire, and being wiped and beaten by angry people. Gates yells to St. Peter, "Help me. Help me. Where are the bikini clad women?
This is not what I wanted." St. Peter replies, "Oh, that was the screen saver."Joke 5
Bill Gates and the president of General Motors were attending a
Q and A session during a business conference. Gates boasted of the
innovations his company had made."If GM had kept up with technology the way Microsoft has,"
gates bragged, "we'd all be driving $25 cars that get 1000 miles per gallon."
"I suppose that's true," the GM executive agreed.
"But would you really want your car to crash twice a day?"
Joke 6
Q:How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?A:None, it's a hardware problem
Joke 7
Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in
Windows 2000 and up. Here are a couple of examples:Printer not responding; Got a pen and paper handy?
3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has occured?
Joke 8
It took the computing power of three C-64s to fly to the Moon. It takes a 486 to run Windows 95. Something is wrong here.Joke 9 
Software Husband...Husband : (Returning from work) "Morning dear, I'm now logged in "
Wife : Have you brought the ring?
Husband : Bad Command or file name.
Wife : But I had told you in the morn......
Husband : Erraneous syntax. Abort?
Wife : What about my diwali saree?
Husband : Variable not found...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters.
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: A true case of datatype mismatch.
Joke 10
Life of an IT Industry Man...How an IT guy spends time........
ONE DAY AT THE I.T. INDUSTRY
7:00 Wake up. Decide to do some really path-breaking work today.
9:00 Reach office. Sign in. Switch on terminal.
9:05 Check mail.
9:15 Start replying to accumulated mail." I really hate being popular."
9:40 Send mail to occupant of next to next cubicle. " Taking in the new movie tonight ?"
9:45 Log into CyberSpace / M-Net / whatever.
9:50 Start searching. There must be some girls logged in.
10:05 Ask a girl for a date.
10:10 Refusal!! Heartbroken.
10:20 Recover equilibrium. Search for coffee. Anybody going to cafetaria ?
10:50 Back at desk. Decide to really start working now.
11:00 Realize that the required manual is in the library. Will have to withdraw it.
11:15 The spare library card was here somewhere. Where is it ?
11:30 Give up on library card search as a bad job. Of course I can do the stuff without the manuals.
12:45 Something written. Should get compiled.
12:46 How can 40 lines of code give 283 lines of error ? Must be some typographical mistake. Will check it after lunch.
13:15 The food was really good today. Why don't they make this
14:05 OK. Now the hard part comes. Do I debug the code or filch somebody else's library card ?
14:06 Looked over the cubicle. Chap in next cubicle has almost completed his module. Homicidial thoughts.
14:15 No, I should really do something about it. Start debugging the code.
17:45 Continuous GPFs. It would have been easier to kill the chap.
17:50 Take a break. Recurrent daydream : "Why are blonde girls so pretty ? "
18:05 Start Netsurfing. Search for Sharon Stone.
18:15 Found the location. Start downloading the pictures.
18:20 No space. Save it in the server ?
18:21 Do I dare to do it ? OK, what the hell, DO IT!!
18:35 Start experimenting with fonts, cursors and prompts. God, I was really made for this stuff !
19:25 Where is everybody ? Finger !
19:30 Time to pack up and go to the movie.
23:50 Back from the movie. Consider today a day well spent. Long live the I.T. industry.
0:00 Turn in for the night. Resolve to do some really path-breaking work tomorrow.
Joke 11
Bill Gates and Laloo's Meeting...Conversation betweenBill Gates and our very own Laloo of Bihar
Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates: By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhuasted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing).
"Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Joke 12
Bill Toh Pagal Hai (Modified version of Dil toh Pagal Hai)Dil to pagal hai... fem...
'Bill to pagal hain' ( BILL GATES OF MICROSOFT )
Turu ruttu tu turu ruttu turu.....
Bill to pagal hain
Bill Deewana hain
ache bure softwares banvata hain yahi,
hasata he yahi, rulata hain,
usme phir 'bugs' dalta hain wohi,
aur solutions bhi nikalta hain,
Bill to....
para 1 ( by Some wise people of software industry)
iss Bill ki bato mein jo aate hain,
woto oolu ban jatte hain,
software to dusare bhi banate hain,
banake magar kho jate hain,
Hmmm Bill to.....
para 2 (majority of Indian software industry)
softwares ko main na pehchanoongi,
working bhi na mein uska janoongi,
microsoft ka logo bass mein dekhoongi,
Bill jo kahega wohi manoongi.
Bill to....
para 3 ( Judges of the software industry)
Bill ka kehna hum sab maane,
Bill na kisi ki maane,
uski strategy jaan li hamne,
ek wohi na maane.
Bill to ....
para 4 ( some people who found bugs and are snatchin hairs)
Chodo ye Bill sab kahaniya,
'bugs' ki hain sab nishaniya,
programmers ki sari pareshaniya,
iss Bill ki hain ye meherbaniya.
Hmmm Bill to pagal hain...
Bill to pagal hain
Bill Deewana hain...
Joke 13
Computers Gender...A pastor of one church who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand concluded that Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Now, you decide what to call a Computer...
Joke 14
Apes and Software...Start with a cage containing five apes.
In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana, but as soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result -- all the apes are sprayed with cold water.
Turn off the cold water.
If, later, another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced.
Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?
"Because that's the way it's always been around here."
May be some one can explain this joke to me,, I dont get it?? --Haresh
Webmaster: Haresh Mehra