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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. He who laughs last thinks slowest! Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free? The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl. Constant change is here to stay CAUTION: I drive like you do. Sorry, I don't date outside my species. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer! I'm the guy your parents warned you about. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? I'm not a complete Idiot, some parts are missing. Couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Too close for missiles: Switching to guns. Don't read while you drive, you'll crash. No radio, already stolen. I brake for Tail-gaters. I may be slow but at least I'm ahead of you! Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof. Those who can, do. Those who can't hire others to. Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open. Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon! Polynesia: memory loss in parrots. OK, so what's the speed of dark? My other mode of transportation is a broom.. I really thought it would make a great gift for my ex mother in law . Hang up the Phone and Drive the Car Life is short. Don't be a dick. If you're rich, I'm single. If you don't like my driving, then get off the sidewalk! You! Out of the gene pool! We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. Born free... taxed to death. I'm only driving this way to piss you off. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools Happiness is a belt-fed weapon Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. Wink, I'll do the rest! I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Where there's a will, I want to be in it! Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students! It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from! Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekasion We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles. Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter. Love your enemies: it really gets them confused. Dont be mad at your government. They haven't done anything. --Also Suggested by Sahil I am in no hurry , just going to work --Suggested by Anit Lekhrajani Curiosity didn't kill the cat ....my car did. --Suggested by Anit Lekhrajani 
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