Horoscopes - better than a stethoscope!

November, 2002.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): She loves you, yeah yeah yeah. And don't you forget it!

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20): The stars tell me that you, my little fish, will get "Lovely Rita" stuck in your head for 3 and a half weeks. Be thankful it's not Britney and sing along.

Aries (March 21-April 19): The stars command you to watch lots and lots of Xena: Warrior Princess. Obey them not, and ye shall DIE!

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20): I told you about Strawberry Fields, didn't I? Go find a patch of strawberries and pick to your heart's content. Never mind that they're not in season.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Despite unauspicious weather predictions, your hair will be perfect this month.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): I am the Walrus. No, really!

Leo (July 23-Aug 22): All life's problems will be solved this month when you get married to the love of your life! Life is good.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22): There is a fire hydrant spewing water outside my house today. You, like the unlucky hydrant, will have trouble retaining water this month. Have an IV attached to conpensate.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22): Je ne parle pas Françes. ¡Es verdad!

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21): Don't get your stinger tangled up this month, for it could mean death!

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21): Another great month coming, Sagittarius! Everything will just fall into place in Novemeber. Not only that, you will be blessed with great hair. What could be better?

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): She came in through the bathroom window, did you know? Your mother was born, though she was born a long, long time ago, your mother should know. So go ask her!