JERRY SPRINGER

1998

Jerry Springer deservedly won his share of the Bird Brain award (tied with Bill Clinton and Rico Suave), given to the worst coach of the year.  After starting out with a 6-3 record, Charlotte lost five straight as the coach obviously lost control of the team.  The Road Rage couldn't even get through a team meeting without players beating the crap out of each other.  As the downward spiral continued, he organized post-game fights with upset fans to increase TV ratings instead of working on game strategies.

After each loss, Springer tossed chairs and cursed out Road Rage players. Just to be safe from players taking offense, he was always surrounded by bodyguards during these tirades.

Thanks to their early-season success, the Road Rage squeaked into the playoffs with the fourth and last berth.  By that time, the team was so caught up in their off-the-field feud with the Tijuana JailBreaks that most of them didn't even realize they had qualified for the postseason. The Orlando Swingers rolled over them on their way to the Super Bowl.

Coach Springer's tireless investigations into other people's personal lives finally paid off after the season was over.  The team was drowning its sorrows in a Tijuana bar after a long search for kidnapped quarterback Mark Brunell was unsuccessful.  It was there that a drunken Springer met Linda Tripp and discovered she had been having a secret affair with JailBreaks coach Rico Suave all season long.  Thanks to Tripp's information, Road Rage team members were able to penetrate Tijuana's secret headquarters, free Brunell, beat up Suave and steal his Flutie Flakes.

1999

One year after being voted the worst coach of the year, Jerry Springer presided over a complete turnaround which culminated with him winning the Wise Owl award in 1999 as the best coach of the year.  Jerry was the first JCFFL coach who was ever able to make a connection with star WR Isaac Bruce and his "alternative life-style."  Their closer bond resulted in a better season from Bruce, who won the JCFFL's first-ever Al Bundy Award.  The Road Rage used the award's power to strike back at their old arch-rivals, the Tijuana JailBreaks, renaming them the Tijuana Teletubbies.

With a playoff berth secured in Week 5 (thanks again to the Bundy Award), Springer was able to lighten up a little.  The difference was evident in Week 6 when Jerry began starting each practice with a round of dwarf-tossing. "Studies show that dwarf tossing is better for your heart than jogging or swimming," said the coach.

Road Rage morale picked up and they closed out the season with a five game winning streak.  Next they avenged 1998's first round playoff exit by defeating the Orlando Swingers in the postseason, only to be defeated in the Super Bowl by the Teletubbies.

 

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