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JCFFL History |
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The glory of a winning a Bundy Award. The agony of getting shut out of the playoffs when you know you could have run the table. These are the fantasy football tales you will be telling your grandchildren about.
This league started out in 1998, shortly after Al Gore invented the internet, and it is still going strong. League historians were able to piece together enough old files from the early years to compile a complete history of the league.
FRANCHISES
Any franchise that can survive to the end of even one season gets listed on the history page. Teams that have undergone several name changes are listed under their latest or last team name.
New York Bad Boy Felons Canton Bulldogs Central American Chalupas Minnesota En Fuego Fort Washington Circus Honkeys Quebec Interrogatives San Antonio Muckrackers London Princesses Charlotte Road Rage Orlando Swingers Buffalo Soldiers Vatican City Saints Tega Cay Tadpoles Celina, OH SpeedySquad
LEAGUE COMMISSIONERS
Each Commish is listed in chronological order. A brief reason why that Commish's term came to an end follows in parentheses. For fuller details, check the Players, Coaches and Other Notables listing below.
1998 - Joe Casaletto (impeached)
1998 - Taco Bell Dog (tragic death)
1999 - Joe Casaletto (kidnapped)
1999 - John Gotti, Jr. (overthrown)
1999 - Saddam Hussein (fired)
2000 - U.S. Supreme Court Justices (corrupt policies)
2000 - Lassie (firebombed)
2000 to present - Mike Tyson
HALL OF FAME
Click here to visit the Bonus Point Hall of Fame
CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES
SUPER BOWL I
Orlando Swingers 54, NYC Steel Curtain 26
Thousands of TV viewers turned off the first JCFFL Super Bowl in disgust after Orlando Swingers RB Jamal Anderson scored a touchdown and began doing his “Dirty Chicken” dance, in which he actually "does it" with a chicken.
SUPER BOWL II
Tijuana Teletubbies 83, Charlotte Road Rage 51
The Tijuana team had been re-named from JailBreaks to Teletubbies by Charlotte thanks to the league's first-ever Bundy Award earlier in the season. The bad blood between the two teams became worse when Tijuana QB/team captain/coach Doug Flutie tragically died on the 50 yard line just before halftime after being dogpile tackled by the entire Charlotte team.
Carlos Santana, who had been hired to provide the halftime entertainment, became the emergency Teletubby interim coach. Santana inspired the team by saying (in Spanish), "Dougie would have wanted us to run up the score as high as possible!" Edgerrin James scored 3 TDs in helping Tijuana win this emotional game by a 32-point margin.
SUPER BOWL III
San Antonio Muckrackers 75, Orlando Mouseketeers 63
The typical Super Bowl pre-game hype turned ugly in 2000 when the San Antonio Muckrackers used their Al Bundy Award from the week before to change their opponent's name from Orlando Swingers to Orlando Mousketeers. Cheerleaders from both sides held press conferences throughout the week to reveal their latest insulting Mickey Mouse Club cheers about the other team.
But come game time, it was the Marshall Faulk show. The league MVP could not be denied as he scored 4 TDs for the second straight week. San Antonio completed their dream season by outgunning the Mousketeers 75-63.
When reporters asked Marshall what he was going to do after completing the greatest fantasy season ever had by a player he replied, "First, I'm going out with the team tonight to drink, party, drink, and get drunk. I'll probably pick up some groupies and take them back to the hotel room too. Then after we recover from our victory hangovers, the Muckrackers are going to visit Disney World and trash the place!!"
When Orlando fans heard about the Muckrackers' "in-your-face" celebration plans, they would have none of it. Angry mobs took to the streets of Orlando and firebombed Disney World as well as booby-trapping all of the rides. "This is the most self-destructive event I've seen a city go through since the L.A. riots," said Tom Brokaw.SUPER BOWL IV
London Princesses 62, Orlando Swingers 53The royal family spared no expense in presenting a fantastic national victory celebration after London's win over the Orlando Swingers in JCFFL Super Bowl IV ran their record 2001 win streak to eight games and counting. Nothing like this had been seen in England since the wedding of Charles and Di. Thousands of fans gathered around Big Ben to witness the victory parade, which included cheerleaders and majorettes, marching bands, street performers, clowns, jugglers, stilt walkers and acrobats, plus more than 50 animals from dogs to donkeys. There were even two 75 foot high toilet bowl balloons to commemorate London's Toilet Bowl wins in 1998 and 2000.
London players stepped up to the mic and took turns gloating about their glorious victory. Prince Charles promised that a special royal assistant will be assigned to throw rose petals in front of every player on the team wherever they go all off-season. Charles also decreed that the Spice Girls will also be available to service the championship-winning players in whatever way they desire.
Sorry performances by usually reliable Orlando QBs Peyton Manning and Aaron Brooks brought up suspicions that the game may have been fixed. Commissioner Mike Tyson was so angry after reviewing the game tapes, he ordered Manning and Brooks to report to his house Monday morning in order to receive their ass-whoopings.SUPER BOWL V
TOILET BOWL I
London Princesses 37, Iceland Muckrackers 36
London coach Prince Charles gave an inspirational speech about Diana before the game to his players. The Princesses came on strong to close out the season, and Prince Charles was rewarded by being voted coach of the year by his peers.
TOILET BOWL II
Vatican City Saints 83, Celina, OH SpeedySquad 30
The Vatican City Saints' losing streak reached a then-record seven straight as the regular season came to a close. In fact, the Saints posted the lowest score in the league each week during the streak.
But perhaps the losing streak was all part of God's plan. It got the Saints into the Toilet Bowl. Preparation for the big game was Pope John Paul II's biggest test as a coach. He had the College of Cardinals staying up all night doing round-the-clock novenas. On the advice of Bobby Bouche (team waterboy) the Pope threw out the Saints' Gatorade supply and switched them to straight holy water.
Toilet Bowl II finally gave long-suffering Vatican City fans something to cheer about. The Saints handed out one of the worst ass-kickings in JCFFL history with a convincing 83-30 win. The fact that the win came against the completely hopeless Celina, OH SpeedySquad did not stop the Vatican City faithful from partying like it was 1999. Pope John Paul II kicked off the festivities by turning all the water at the Coliseum into wine. Then he got loaded and started blessing everything in sight. The Pope began crying as he addressed the adoring crowd, saying, "I love you, man!" in six different languages.
TOILET BOWL III
London Princesses 51, Quebec Interrogatives 50
The London Princesses snapped their 8-game losing streak when they edged Quebec by one point for their second Toilet Bowl victory in three years.
After the game, reporters asked coach Prince Charles whether he felt proud or depressed about this accomplishment. Charles replied, "All I know is, the [Super Bowl III champion] Muckrackers are going to Disney World. Meanwhile, our team shall retreat back to jolly old England, where we will be feasting on caviar and bathing in champagne at Windsor Castle until next fall!"
TOILET BOWL IV
Quebec Interrogatives 68, Buffalo Soldiers 43
Toilet Bowl IV was played in such a blinding snowstorm that neither fans nor players nor refs could see what the hell was going on. It is actually lucky that there was any Toilet Bowl at all. A blizzard dumped seven feet of snow onto Buffalo's Soldier Field over the course of the week. Toilet Bowl players and coaches appealed to Commissioner Tyson to call off the game for their own safety, but the Commish forced them to play as a punishment for sucking so bad all season.
To make matters worse, this terrible game was marred by a terrorist threat by the Al Que Bundy group. US Attorney General Ashcroft, who prefers to go by his FBI code name of "Asscrack", had expected trouble. Earlier in the week Az-Zahir Hakim, Qadry Ismail, Raghib Ismail, and Muhsin Muhammad were rounded up and detained indefinitely by Asscrack's men. But somehow top Al Que Bundy operative Rashaan Salaam passed through security. Salaam was responsible for bringing down the XFL, and he almost did his evil work on the JCFFL as well. As the national anthem was being played, Salaam rushed onto the field carrying a bomb. But fate was on the side of the league. Salaam was stuffed by a snowbank for a two-yard loss, then he fumbled the bomb. Secret Service agents quickly recovered the bomb and defused it. Salaam was captured, interrogated, and executed by a military tribunal before the end of the first quarter.
The Arizona kicker was named MVP. After receiving the award, he went into a joyous Pee-Wee Herman celebration dance.
TOILET BOWL V
AWARDS
PLAYERS, COACHES AND OTHER NOTABLES
Sorted by last name
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Karim Abdul-Jabbar Jamal Anderson
Isaac Bruce Mark Brunell Terry Bradshaw Tshimanga Biakabutuka Bobby Bouche
Bob Costas Cris Carter Kerry Collins Randall Cunningham Bill Clinton Chamberlain, Wilt Joe Casaletto
Terrell Davis Stephen Davis
Dale Earnhardt
Brett Favre Marshall Faulk Doug Flutie
Joey Galloway Billy Graham Elvis Grbac John Gotti, Sr. John Gotti, Jr. Kent Graham Al Gore
Saddam Hussein Marvin Harrison
Michael Irvin
Brad Johnson Jimmy Johnson Edgerrin James
Erik Kramer
Monica Lewinsky
Steve McNair Keenan McCardell Eric Moulds Curtis Martin Randy Moss Scott Mitchell Rob Moore Ed McCaffrey Chris Mims Cade McNown
Neil O'Donnell Terrell Owens
Dennis Rodman Pete Rose Bill Romanowski
Jerry Springer Kenneth Starr Rico Suave Kordell Stewart Norman Schwartzcoff Barry Sanders Emmitt Smith Gale Sayers R. Jay Soward
Vinny Testaverde Linda Tripp Fred Taylor
Dimitrius Underwood
Ricky Watters Kurt Warner
Steve Young
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