KERRY COLLINS

1998

Who can forget the time Kerry Collins said he had no heart for playing football and asked to be benched, refused to talk to the media after that, and then got busted for DUI on his return to Charlotte?  It was performances like this that earned Kerry the first JCFFL Nuts Award for outstanding achievements in the field of bonus points.

"I suck and deserve to be on the bench," said the quarterback. While this type of comment would be viewed negatively by most teams, coach Billy Graham of the Vatican City Saints praised Collins. "Here is a man who displays the Christian value of honesty," said Graham.  "With a keen eye for evaluating talent like that, we may have a job for him in our personnel department."

Collins indeed was made Saints personnel director, and his first move was to cut himself.  Collins had many ideas for improving the team throughout the season, but his ridiculous trade offers, such as Tshimanga Biakabutuka for Steve Young and Jerry Rice, were always turned down.

It was bad enough when Vatican City Saints fans started coming to games with paper bags over their heads to conceal their identities. But the franchise hit a new low when Kerry Collins was seen on the sidelines with a bag over his head during a game against the Muckrackers.

1999

Collins spent 1999 working for the Vatican City Saints in an off-the-field capacity as their Director of Player Personnel.  Kerry's poor decisions on the free agent market, along with breaking the Saints' budget to sign "The Waterboy" Bobby Bouche, drove the organization straight into the Toilet Bowl.

Kerry was forced to resign along with coach Billy Graham in a late-season purge by Saints management.  He was reassigned to another position within the organization, involving the placement of bingo game promo flyers on car windshields in a church parking lot.

 

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